I LIKE IT! i think the unusual way you have laid this out adds to the feect of the piece! the repetition of quuestiona nd the 'is it enough' makes the reader think! i think that my favourate part of the poem though is the last three lines or phrases and the way that you have made the word unsaid almost a seperate statement to the rest! THIS TO ME WAS THE MOST EMOTIONFILLED PART OF THE WHOLE PIECE!

--
hold me close,
i beg you,
i can't survive alone!
> my gallery [link]
gone beserk your dinner is on the ceiling!
just because I'm not beautiful...it doesn't mean i'm dead
s are good

Very honest, very real and something I can truly relate to.

To be honest, I am sitting here trying to think of something thoughtful to say beyond this...some of the contradiciton in here is intriguing. Like where you wonder if what he feels is enough to over come petty obstacles (Oh, yes, you misspelled obstacles). When you wonder, you imply that the emotion would have to be strong, but then you call the obstacles petty...as if it wouldn't take much to get past them.

Also, you say you are free spirited, but you need to make the reader feel that you are. I'm not feeling your free spiritedness...lol

If so, then what are we waiting for?
If not, then leave. I'll help you.
I will demand no further explanation,
and I won't trouble you with how I feel.
I'll let you leave.


Those are my favorite lines and the ones I really relate to. Can't cling to someone who won't stick with you.

I also think that unsaid should be dropped down a line...like have the same position just down one line...I think the space you put there would then have more effect.

Overall, very nice poem. Certainly worthy of a fav. ^^

Well... you asked me for honesty and here it is. ^^

--
"There was never a genius without a tincture of madness."

Aristotle

Ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt!



A2A Giving art away because it seemed like a good idea! HERE!

Wow, thank you, I love having people really get into it, and offer suggestions, beyond just 'that's cool'. So thank you!!
And I will fix the spelling!! haha, I can't spell!!
And the reason I put in the free spirited, is not only because I am, but also because it added to my "the exception to every rule". Because really, I'm a walking contradiction. If that wasn't clear then maybe I should re-work it a bit, change the wording in that/those line(s).
Ha, I like that you noticed the unsaid part!! I was toying with where to put that, in the written version I have it dropped down, but I thought that might make it to choppy, since I've been accused of that. I'll hawk it around to a few people, see what the general thoughts are on that, thanks so much!!

--
"I dont wanna be your other half, I believe that one and one make two.." -alanis

Thank you, wow striking with the CAPS. I'm glad you liked the "is it enough?". It just seemed to need repeating, since that was my dominent thought of nearly the whole poem. What do you think could use improving?

--
"I dont wanna be your other half, I believe that one and one make two.." -alanis

i havent seen this style before i like everything about it

--
"Mess with the best, die like the rest" -Hackers

erm...not sure but i will have a think! leave me a note and i will reply if i think of anything!

--
hold me close,
i beg you,
i can't survive alone!
> my gallery [link]
gone beserk your dinner is on the ceiling!
just because I'm not beautiful...it doesn't mean i'm dead
s are good

i don't really get whats with the layout to be honest it just makes it more difficult for me to read, i sometimes lose which line i'm reading which is annoying. You seem to have missed a few capital letters and other small errors like that but other than that its only the style that I feel is wrong and thats a personal choice, you may want to work on building larger, deeper metaphors as well.

No prob...I understand being a walking contradiction cause that's me to. It is just a little cloudy whether it is contradictory or whether you are free spirited I guess. ^^

btw: love your siggy. Alanis rocks my socks and that is one of my fav lines from her songs ^^

--
"There was never a genius without a tincture of madness."

Aristotle

Ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt!



A2A Giving art away because it seemed like a good idea! HERE!

Hehe, ooooh it's youuu!! Hello! lol. Well, here I am to give you a critique.

I think...I think that anger sometimes takes the poeticism out of us. We replace the beauty in our words with anger, because it makes it that little bit easier to say what we want to say. However! Generally, the anger in here is controlled and kept reasonably level. The second stanza is particularly well written, with a simple but effective use of simile.

My only recommendation would be to try to cut down on the questions, as they make it sound a little less like a poem and more like an interview.

Overall, a very good, if somewhat frightening, read (oh, and by the way, the structure works well, if people have trouble following which line they're on, maybe they should stop smoking so much pot).